Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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