dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
