I faked an abortion last night.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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