dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
