I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
If that was your dad, he is hot
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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