I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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