So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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