Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
