i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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