God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
