new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
my liver is dry heaving
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
