kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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