are you still at the devil's house?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
