sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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