im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize