So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
