thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
