A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
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