I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
