It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
