Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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