our cab driver is having phone sex.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize