I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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