Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
