I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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