Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
