Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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