do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize