Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
