I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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