So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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