It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
