she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
