I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
