i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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