i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
we're making bets on your personal life
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
