And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Jerry, you need to find god
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
