Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
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