I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
