i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
