Whatcha textin bout Willis?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize