The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
