hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I want to have your abortion
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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