Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize