My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
