dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
