The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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