i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
