How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
