I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
