I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
