I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
