I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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