i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize