I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize