Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
