We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
