just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
