i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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