This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
