I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
