So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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