I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize