Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
